Before you even board the plane, fasten your seatbelt, and return your tray table to an upright position, you've gotta' make it through the airport...
A - Are there only, like, six electrical outlets in this entire airport?!
I - In a 1-hour layover, you make eye contact with 70 strangers, on average. This does not apply to the woman across from you who hasn’t looked up from her Kindle once, even as her children kick your carry-on luggage and bop one another over the head with empty Frappuccino cups.
R - Realistically, you could buy a steak dinner for what you’re about to pay for a room temperature yogurt parfait in Phoenix Sky Harbor International.
P - People who carry their microbead travel pillows around their necks are sweet angels and should be treated as such.
O - On the other hand, people who cut you in line to board are evil and should be treated as such.
R - Relaxing and waiting to spot a famous person at the airport means you’ll only encounter midwestern families and stern businessmen. Running full-speed to get to the right gate by a 2:10 departure means you’ll physically collide with a musician outside a magazine rack.
T - The line for the women’s restroom closest to gate C18 may look like it will take 40 minutes, but somehow, the bathroom at C10 is even longer.
S - … Shoe shining is still a thing?
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