Fashion Faux Pas

Fashion Faux Pas

We’ve all worn things we regret.

Sometimes we’ve worn things so bad that we are physically pained by any sort of reminders of our poor choices. Sometimes we decided those things were "our new looks," and our families have since teased us.

Let’s just say that I’ve been a victim of fashion for many years before I settled on today’s uniform of jeans and black sweaters.

My Blue Period:In the fifth grade, I carefully analyzed the clothing of my peers and decided that blue was the safest color to blend in. I refused to wear any article of clothing that wasn’t blue for almost an entire year.

This was also the unfortunate time in my life where I wore my hair in “half-pigtails;” basically, two tiny antlers on either side of my face.

Attempt at Athletic Chic: Big t-shirts and athletic shorts all the way. I wanted name-brand Soffe shorts, but my mom cramped my style.

During this phase I also discovered hair gel, which I used to shellac my hair into a very slicked back ponytail.

Boho Phase: I was actually pretentious enough to call this “My Boho Phase” while I was in it. I wore a lot of floor length skirts and earth-colored tank tops. I also wore short crocheted cardigans that tied in front, which uniquely drew attention to both my flat chest and my stomach rolls at the same time.

I forbade my sister from wearing anything that was brown or green because those were my “boho colors.”

Hot Topic Clearance-Section Phase: The furthest I got was a black hoodie with purple stars on the back and knock-off Converse sneakers.

I thought I could supplement my look with smaller accessories, like buttons - so I picked out a few at the mall. My mom made me return the one that said “I have a heart on,” without explaining to me why. (I get it now. Oops.)

Muu-Muu Mistake:Nothing good happens after midnight. At 2 AM one day during my sophomore year of college, I decided my new thing was going to be floral print dresses. I spent $90 on flowery sheath dresses, and when they arrived I realized they were basically curtains sewn into giant breezy muu-muus. I don’t think I ever wore them - making this an embarrassing “almost-phase.”

At least I am able to sleep well at night knowing that I’ve never worn anything by Ed Hardy.