Hacking at your Face with Scissors

Hacking at your Face with Scissors

We’ve all done it.

Fueled by Pinterest jealousy or in an attempt to one-up a coworker's new haircut, you’ve found yourself sitting on the bathroom floor in front of a mirror with a pair of scissors in your hand.

Much like the five stages of grief - there are seven distinct stages that one goes through as they attempt to cut their own bangs.

1. Excitement Yes! Bangs! I’m going to look like Zooey Deschanel, and it’s going to be perfect.

How could this possibly end badly? Where are my scissors?

2. Doubt … Wait. Zooey Deschanel is the exception to the rule. Can I rock bangs?

Should I just fork over $50 and get this done by a professional? Remember what happened the last time I cut my own bangs…? And the time before that, and the time before that…? I don’t want to get burned again.

3. Second Wind How bad can it really be. It’ll be fine. It’s just hair, it grows back, right? Besides, taught me how to do this, and they’ve never steered me wrong.

4. The First Cut is the Deepest *Snip snip* No turning back now.Slow and steady. Just fluff it a little and see what you've done... While I'm at this, should I trim the back?

5. PANIC OH NO OH GOD OH NO. Everything is ruined. Did I cut this too short? Why isn’t this even? (You are crying at this point - either because you don’t know how to fix the mess you've created or because a tiny snippet of hair found its way into your eye.)

6. Relief … Wait, this isn’t so bad. If I brush it this way, you can’t even tell that the edges are a little crooked. It's actually not that bad. It's almost... It might actually be GOOD. After I wash it, everything will be fine. Good work, everyone.

Can't wait to relive the awkward bangs transition  period of my youth.
Can't wait to relive the awkward bangs transition period of my youth.

7. Regret. Even if you were successful in cutting your bangs, you will miss the luxuries that come with a bare forehead. You will change your mind hourly as to whether you like your bangs or not. This stage lasts 3-4 weeks, until you can sidesweep those suckers.

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