Laura Simis

Local Woman Admits, “Hocus Pocus, Not That Great.”

Laura Simis
Local Woman Admits, “Hocus Pocus, Not That Great.”

The Raleigh community learned late on Wednesday night, it’s not all just a bunch of Hocus Pocus! 

At 9:18 PM, officers arrived on the scene in response to a distress call from neighbor Shari Perkins. Perkins allegedly overheard the accused, longtime Raleigh resident Laura Simis, say “Hocus Pocus isn’t that great.” She quickly alerted the police before confronting the woman.

“I tried to tell her that the Sanderson sisters are God’s gift to this country,” said Perkins after the ordeal. “My heart just dropped. She told me she didn’t even like ‘I’ve Put a Spell on You!’”

Friends and co-workers of Simis said they never saw it coming. Said one, “I’m shocked. She really seemed like a nice person! I never would have guessed she was capable of something like this.”

Further questioning by the police has confirmed that the woman was acting alone. Chief of Police, Burt Hinchcliff assured us that this was an isolated incident, and the first time something like this has occurred in the state of North Carolina.

“She has been unwilling to cooperate thus far,” said Hinchcliff. “If she refuses to watch Hocus Pocus, what’s next? Skipping Halloweentown High, too? Skipping Halloween altogether?!”

Officials have taken Simis into protective custody. Bette Midler could not be reached for comment.