Laura Simis

How to Tell Your Grandma Her Crucifix Is a Jared Leto Action Figure

Laura Simis
How to Tell Your Grandma Her Crucifix Is a Jared Leto Action Figure

You notice it halfway through grandma’s signature meatloaf dish.

There, sandwiched between a photo of your grandparents on their wedding day and a crystal dish overflowing with butterscotch candies, sits a small statue of Jesus.

Except now that you’re looking closely, it looks a lot like the familiar gaze of the 30 Seconds to Mars poster that used to hang over your bed in eighth grade.

Flowing ombre hair? Full beard? White tunic and sandals? Perhaps in his greatest commitment to method acting yet, this statue is indeed of our one true Lord and Savior, Jared Leto.

To be fair, Grandma definitely didn’t watch Suicide Squad. Or Dallas Buyers Club. Or American Psycho.

Just like the real life Jared Leto, the origins of this tiny statue in grandma’s house are unclear.

Where did Jesus Leto come from? How long has he been here? It’s no secret that grandma’s eyesight is going downhill, but since when has anyone from the New Testament rocked an all-white suit circa the 2015 Academy Awards?  

“Grandma… Do you know who that is?” you ask as you take another slice of meatloaf.

“Well!” Grandma says indignantly. “You’d know if you attended church on Sundays, wouldn’t you?!”

As a responsible grandchild, you’re left with only one viable option:

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