Laura Simis

4 Needlepoint Crafts To Make House Arrest Fly By

Laura Simis
4 Needlepoint Crafts To Make House Arrest Fly By

There’s no better time to fall deeply into a Pinterest crafting vortex than 4 weeks of court-appointed house arrest. 

(Niche audience, much? Welcome, convicted misdemeanants!) 

Pass the time with these needlepoint crafts sew good, they'll have you in stitches and Grandma rolling over in her grave. 

Get straight to the point with a quick explanation you can flash at the UPS guy and Jehovah's Witnesses on the porch. Aside from the cute Kindergarten girl scouts who can't read yet and keep frantically waving a cookie order form at you through the window, this should save you time. 

It may also replace whispers of your crimes around the neighborhood with concerns that you're agoraphobic or are being held captive in an adult "Room" situation. 

Since you'll be spending the next several weeks trapped indoors, it's the perfect time to add new homey touches to stare at in desperation when you've gone 24 hours without social interaction. 

These cute accent pillows will remind you that you're not allowed to leave your "home sweet home," and will suppress your screams. 

Channel your inner Paris Hilton and give your electronic monitoring device the makeover it deserves with hand-embroidered socks. Make a second pair for your parole officer, who will be notified every time you set off the ankle monitor trying to get these socks on and off. 

Commemorate your crime with a wall tapestry showcasing the very events that got you stuck on house arrest in the first place. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a pattern for “Girl Getting DUI” - but after your three needlepoint crafts and several back-to-back seasons of Orange is the New Black, you should have the skills required to free-hand this one! 


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