Recipe: Hot Pockets

Recipe: Hot Pockets

My mother fed me delicious home-cooked meals for 18 years, only to watch me jump out of the nest and into a world filled with french fries and pre-packaged preservatives.

I have a full kitchen in my apartment that I have used to it's full capacity exactly twice since August. (Microwaving Lean Cuisines and heating up soup on the stove don't count.) It's not that I don't know how to cook. It's mostly that I have the schedule of a single mother working three jobs and the taste buds of a ten-year old.

So today I'm going to share my favorite recipe for my favorite home-cooked meal with you:

Hot Pockets

Serves: 1 Prep Time: 30 seconds Cook Time: 3 minutes


Ingredients: 1 Hot Pocket - Pretzel bread, if you know what's good for you. 

  1. Lovingly select a Hot Pocket.
    If you are like me, with two 12-pack boxes jammed in the freezer, you will have to isolate one from the herd. If you only bought the 2-pack, you probably know how to cook other, healthier things for dinner and this whole process will seem foolish to you.
  2. Tenderly unwrap the Hot Pocket.
  3. Make sure your Hot Pocket is safely secured in it’s special Microwave Crisping SleeveTM.
  4. Place delicately in the center of a microwave-safe plate, in the exact center of the microwave.
    Don’t be afraid to pull out a measuring tape - accuracy is key.
  5. Blow your Hot Pocket one last kiss as you close the microwave door.
  6. Select 2:50 seconds on your microwave.
    The box says “2:45,” but a true Hot Pocket aficionado knows that that’s not enough to raise the cheese temperature to molten liquid.
  7. Weep.
    You've worked so hard for this.
  8. Devour it whole.

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