These days it seems everyone is adopting a glamorous vegan, gluten-free lifestyle.
Vegans don't consume any animal byproducts, meaning they avoid meat, as well as dairy, honey and gelatin. It has left many of us wondering what it might be like to try going vegan - if only for the chance to Instagram our own artistic arrangements of kale chips around a gluten-free pesto dip.
Everyone who has ever attempted to dramatically change their lifestyle overnight in this way can probably relate to my tested and true twelve-step process below. [Disclaimer: I am not a vegan. I'm one of "those people," who tried it one time in college.]
- You google veganism. This is going to be awesome. You’re doing something good for your body and your mind. Look at how many different ways you can prepare kale! Look at all of these cute vegan cupcake recipes on Pinterest!!!
- You google vegan celebrities. Gotta’ stay motivated. Gonna’ look like Natalie Portman. Oh yeah!
- You realize that almost every food you like has butter in it. Sneaky foods that vegans can't eat: Marshmallows, Altoids, Guinness beer, and Frosted Mini-Wheats. :(
- You eat all of the cheese in your refrigerator. If you’re going to do this vegan thing right, there’s no point in letting that block of cheddar go to waste.
- You make an ice cream tower to celebrate your new lifestyle. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life! Goodbye, Rocky Road. Hello, self actualization.
- You buy a lot of quinoa. This is what vegans eat right? Should I be sleeping with the Whole Foods manager for a discount? I don’t know about this…
- You forget that you’re going vegan and eat part of a brownie. Damn.
- You buy a lot of Oreos. Oreos are vegan!! You will cling to this.
- You tell EVERYONE that you’re vegan now. You announce it to your coworkers as you struggle to find something vegan on the lunch menu. You post it on Twitter. Your mom knows that this will probably end similarly to the time you insisted you were serious about learning to play the guitar.
- You have to eat salad. No feta cheese. No bacon bits. No grilled chicken. What do you mean I can’t have ranch dressing…? This is the worst.
- You cry into a hummus wrap. You blame it on low blood sugar. Your coworkers are not convinced.
- You give up and eat nachos. That was an extremely emotional 24 hours.
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